"Witty title goes here"

1:27am: Hmm. Upon further consideration, the bus is looking like a better option after all.
I really ought to get this shit figured out.

4:36am: Looks like I'm trekking out to Van on my own.
With the price of gas as it is, and the fact that I've nobody to split the costs with, I may as well fly out.
I considered the bus as it's about $200 cheaper. It also takes around 28 hours longer, round trip. So I'll be missing out on another day of work. Between the lost wages, and the thought of sitting on a bus for that fucking long, I think I can easily rationalize the extra expenditure.

Probably for the best. I wasn't looking forward to driving for 12 hours straight, and it likely wouldn't have been too good on Wilhelmina.

3:44am: Some questions from Mr.Dave

1. You are the hundredth monkey, what is your novel about?

It's a critical analysis of the interoffice politics I had to play with my fellow monkeys to get where I am today, by way of a metaphor centered around the hurling of my own waste.

2. The cash prize, or the mystery box?

How big a cash prize we talkin here? Ah hell, gimmie da box.

3. Animal, vegetable or mineral?

Yes

4. Plan A involves a three week supply of vasoline, plan B involves?

A similar amount of motor oil.

5. Dogs go woof, cats go?

Squish

6. Kirk or jon luc as a wingman?

Jon Luc. Kirk would snipe me out and take the girl. Jon Luc on the other hand has a much stronger sense of duty.

7. 20 mins left to live, you have already masterbated, now what?

Probably lots of drugs.

8. Your left nut is itchy, you decide to...

Let loose with the scratching.

9. You wake up to a lightsaber next to your bed, you...

Likely remove my own arm. After all, we all know that Jedi training is required to safely wield a lightsaber.

10. Barrel of monkeys or kettle of fish?

Fish. Tasty tasty fish.

---

Anyway.
Tonight was fun. I like fun.
Still had my moments of wanting to put someone face first into a pool of razor blades, but I'm getting pretty good at dealing with that.

5:59pm: "Jim Mielke's wireless blood-fueled display is a true merging of technology and body art. At the recent Greener Gadgets Design Competition, the engineer demonstrated a subcutaneously implanted touch-screen that operates as a cell phone display, with the potential for 3G video calls that are visible just underneath the skin."
Fucking amazing.


"The future is here, it just isn't widely distributed yet."

9:59pm: So. Got me some questions to answer.

From Tilpacer

1. What do you think of cheese ?

Cheese is one of the two universal foods. The other is bacon.

2. When did you last use the word superlicious?

Not recently enough!

3. 12 or a yellow bus and why?

I'd prefer 12 yellow busses, so I could start my gypsy caravan.

4. What did you do to that intern?

That's between me, her, and those present for the upcoming trial.

5. What's your favorite moment of your siblings life?

I have two siblings, and you didn't specify. No answer for you!

6. How would you build an atomic bomb?

As large as possible

7. Who would you most like to operate on?

I know a certain girl I wouldn't mind playing doctor with, and she likely knows who she is.


From Becka

1. What do you think of woodland creatures?

Great for stew

2. When did you last take a shower?

Like 10 minutes ago. I smelled like cheese.

3. pies or anal and why?

Pies? Is that innuendo? If so, I'll take pie. As much fun as anal can be, it just don't beat a snatch.

4. What did you get for your birthday that was the most meaningfull?

I honestly don't remember what I got for my birthday. I think it was mostly books and movies.

5. What's your favorite way to relax(asides from sex)?

It's a toss up between beer and sleep.

6. How would you prefer dying asides from health issues and old age?

In a global catastrophe.

7. Who would you most like to meet?

Fuck, I don't know. William Shatner?


From karlsberg

1. What do you think of people with gator claws for hands?

What the hell is a gator claw?

2. When did you last pick gum out of your shoe?

Never!

3. carnies or hookers and why?

Carnies. They don't charge ya, and odds are good they have some unique anatomy goin on.

4. What did you do to those poor barnyard animals surrounding the premises of rimbey?

Nothing that wasn't legal.... a few hundred years ago.

5. What's your favorite shade of mitten?

Padded

6. How would you go about inserting a cabbage role into your rectum?

I'd get the carnie to do it

7. Who would you most like to perform the act of cannibalism on?

A vegan. They'd probably taste better.


From sinvokasha

1. What do you think of children - like, hate, etc.?

I don't mind them, assuming they arn't making too much noise. That said, I strongly doubt I'll ever have any.

2. When did you last perform an occult working?

Long enough ago that I don't remember an exact date.

3. Phil Hine or Peter J. Carroll and why?

I'm stuck with Hine, simply because I've yet to read any of Carroll's stuff.

4. What did you like and hate about your last hallucinogenic experience?

Considering I was also drunk at the time, I don't have too many unclouded memories of the event. I do remember quite enjoying simple things like the cartoonishly vivid colours most objects took on, and the most hated part was quite easily the come down. Though the fact that I was sobering up and extraordinarily hungry at the same time didn't help, I imagine.

5. What’s your favorite instrument you've ever owned? (or is that like "choosing amongst your children" or something? :P)

My first stand up bass, Ronda. I prefer the sound and feel of my new bass, but Ronda has a lot of sentimental value to me.

6. How would you prefer to die if you were going to be executed?

Executed you say? Off the top of my head, I'll say guillotine.

7. Who would you most like to meet as far as spiritual/occult figures, living or dead, goes?

Malaclypse the Younger


From _suspiria_

1. What do you think of windows?

At least it isn't MacOS

2. When did you last floss?

A month or two ago

3. soap or brass and why?

Brass. It's uber-steampunk and that aside, everyone know's I don't bathe.

4. What did you cat?

Fish. Clearly.

Duh.

5. What’s your favorite trash can?

The ones with unspoiled food items in them.

6. How would you lamp?

With love

7. Who would you most like to pancake?

Macho Man Randy Savage


Heh.
Keep em comin.

11:47pm: This could be amusing...
If you would be so kind, ask me the seven questions below. Just copy and paste them into a comment, replace the blanks with anything you want – personal, silly, surreal (e.g. 3. Donkeys or sandcastles and why?), or deep — and I’ll answer honestly as I can! Then post this in your own journal [if you want] and see what kind of things people want to ask you!

1. What do you think of _____________ ?

2. When did you last ____________?

3. __________ or ___________ and why?

4. What did you ______________?

5. What’s your favorite ______________?

6. How would you ______________?

7. Who would you most like to ________ ?

4:53am: I really like the Schoolyard Heroes


The world's on fire, so wrap me in your napalm blanket.
You and I are the king and queen of nothing, baby.

Take my hand, take my hand. It's better now together, though it's only us.
Take my hand, take my hand. We'll raise our glass, now there's nothing left.

Fall asleep, your burning eyes are incandescent.
You and I must make a pledge to end existence.
One more time, your eyes will see before they're sewn shut.
Suffering my name, boy don't you forget me.

3:30am: I've yet to come across any combination of words in the English language that would adequately allow me to express how I feel.

It's just about time to loose myself again.

7:04am: Convoluted contradictions and half conceived concepts make not a cohesive comprehension of one's own consciousness.
Meditate on that mantra, you malignant malefactors.

Don't worry too much if it doesn't make sense. Nothing really does.

1:38am: So I never made it into the Castle. Lines aren't my thing.
SkullKrusher kicked ass though.

Danika's show was a good time too, despite the ALCB sticking their noses where they don't belong. Apparently Alberta folk need to be told what events they should and should not be allowed to attend.

7:53pm: Behold the amazing flip flopping man!
Gunna go to the Castle tonight, despite Total Chaos being stopped at the border. Bye bye Castle.

3:56am: So the plan was to go to Total Chaos at the Castle tomorrow... I think I'll probably end up at the Distillery instead. So ya. Orbax. Skullcrusher. Fuckin ya.

4:22am: I've been drinking. There will be rambling. You've been warned.

A year or so ago (possibly longer. I have a bad memory for dates) I had given a great deal of thought to an idea I found entirely too amusing. In a nutshell, performing some manner of invocation that, rather being designed to invoke a specific deity or spirit, would have drawn hate itself into me.
The concept was inspired by a comment in Post-Modern Magic about how, in a system of magic based on an information age style paradigm, emotions can be dealt with like any other spiritual entity. The idea of literally making myself an avatar of hatred was, and is, quite appealing.
Given my growing contempt for everything around me and the increasing trouble I have controlling my anger, I occasionally wonder if my wish has been or is being answered.

My only real concern is regarding my temper, and the reversal of many years work to control it. This is worrisome because when I was a teenager I used to become literally blind with rage with comparatively little provocation. Sort of like drinking till your black out and waking to realize that you'd done something stupid, but more violent and without the excuse of intoxication.
But just to be clear, the only reason this bothers me at all is only because I'd rather not find myself in some kind of legal trouble.
At least I'm in a good country for it. Given the nature of my unreasonable anger, I could likely make some bullshit insanity plea and get a slap on the wrist to go with my free drugs.

10:51pm: I was excited when I randomly stumbled upon an entry on IMDB about the upcoming Neuromnancer movie. Then I saw that Hayden Christensen (the biggest pussy to ever wield a lightsaber) was set to play Case.
Also, it's to be directed by Joseph Kahn. His only other film credit was a movie called Torque. Imagine The Fast and the Furious, but on motorcycles. He's also directed a few Britney Spears videos.
They're also going to force some kind of love interest into the plot as well, apparently. Because I guess nobody would believe Molly Millions actually wanting to fuck a guy like Hayden "Even the Force can't help me act" Christensen.

5:43am:

Murder by Death - The Desert's on Fire

I'll leave a trail of fire across this desert
just to see the desperation in your eyes.
I'll leave a trail of fire across this desert
just to see the desperation in your eyes.

you think you've suffered well you ain't seen shit yet.
the pain wont set in for a long, long time.
I've fought off angels with my hands behind my back
I've set the heavens all on fire

so sleep in the fallout shelter tonight one and all
and wrap the children up real tight
and stop the bleeding before it starts
and stop the bleeding before it starts

I'll leave a trail of fire across this desert
just to see the desperation in your eyes.

5:30am: Machine Girl was amazing.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I napped for a half hour today. I have to be at work in around 4 and a half hours.
I don't even feel all that sleepy, though I am hungry as hell.

3:02am: There are a couple movies playing for the Underground Film Fest that caught my eye. Both are at the Plaza in Kensington. You should come watch em.

11:30 PM Fri, Apr 18
Machine Girl

"The life of a young, Japanese schoolgirl is destroyed when her family is killed by a Ninja-Yakuza family. Her hand cut off, she replaces it with various machines-of-death, and seeks revenge. Featuring a machine gun arm, yakuza ninjas, flying guillotines, a drill bra, a Japanese teenage schoolgirl and tons of spraying blood scenes!"

9:30 PM Sat, Apr 19
On Evil Ground

"Peter Koller’s debut feature, ON EVIL GROUND, seems frightfully simple in synopsis form, but the devil, as they say, is in the details.

A pair of psychopathic young lovers –- he an extreme, violent sadist and she a sexual masochist –- are looking to establish their own little love nest, a quest that leads them to, of all things, a rundown warehouse for sale in a desolate industrial region. She falls in love with it immediately, he tolerates her wishes and the purchase is made but what neither knows is that the original owner and the estate agent are simply using the property as a lure: a means to trap unsuspecting couples out where nobody is present to see or hear so that they may serve as fodder for the duo’s own sadistic urges.

On first blush, it appears as though Koller’s feature is merely the latest in the current rush of low-budget, shot-on-DV survival horror films aiming for nothing more than to push the boundaries of good taste as far as is humanly possible. Give it a moment, however, and you’ll find that Koller is aiming for something vastly more entertaining and ambitious. Scratch beneath the surface and ON EVIL GROUND exposes itself as a blacker-than-pitch parody of the survivalist genre, one that laces its copious violence with an edge as much Tex Avery as HOSTEL. And while, yes, Koller does indeed shoot on DV, he is one of a growing number of young talents with the goods to prove that in the right hands, DV is every bit as visually compelling a medium as is film –- blood has seldom looked so good."

11:49pm: The RDS-220 hydrogen bomb. Codename Ivan. Commonly known as the Tsar Bomba. The most physically powerful device ever created by man. 50 megaton yield. Upon detonation, it created a ball of fire with a diameter of 4.6 km. If you need a visual reference imagine downtown Calgary completely enveloped in flame, and then some. The mushroom cloud reached 60 km into the sky (seven times the height of Mt Everest) and was somewhere between 30 to 40 km wide. 100 km away, the heat was still intense enough to cause third degree burns. Blast damaged reached out as far as 1000 km. It created a seismic shock that was at least 5 on the Richter scale and could be measured on it's third pass around the earth.
Ground zero after the test was described as follows: "The ground surface of the island has been levelled, swept and licked so that it looks like a skating rink ... The same goes for rocks. The snow has melted and their sides and edges are shiny. There is not a trace of unevenness in the ground.... Everything in this area has been swept clean, scoured, melted and blown away."
The radius of absolute destruction measured 25 km.

This test bomb was half the size of the original design.


*sigh*

6:14pm: Buckle yourselves in, kids.
This is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.











Hah!

3:44am: Dennis knows how to get it done

5:51am:

3:04am: I hate being at a loss for words.

6:45am: I think I'm going to start writing a bunch of really irritating and sarcastic songs. Titles like "I'm a giant poseur, and so are you", "War kicks ass", "Feminism is for pussies and ugly chicks", and that sort of thing.

9:51pm: I'm having buffalo smokies for dinner. Indeed, I am eating them as I type this.
Sublime. Shit like this is why I could never give up meat.

3:53am: Now, I thought I had in the past been fairly open about how I feel about the people around me. Either I wasn't quite clear enough, or I wasn't been taken seriously. In light of recent misunderstandings, and in the interest of preventing such incidents in the future, I suppose I had better rant once more on my pure unrelenting hatred for everything around me and how that may affect you in your dealings with me.
(Note: The term 'you' is used to non-specifically refer to anyone and everyone who may ever come into any kind of contact with me.)

So. I hate people. All of them. Humanity as a whole. Oh, sure some people do have some redeeming qualities, but consider this: I am convinced that I am the single greatest person on the earth, and I hate myself simply because I'm part of this great puppet show we call civilization. Now how do you think you'll fare? Admittedly, I make a very few exceptions to this rule for my nearest and dearest. Sadly the odds of you being among that small handful of people is very small.
This really isn't as bad as it sounds. I may hate you in a vague general way, but that does not imply personal, passionate hatred. Simply put, I hate what you are, but not necessarily who you are. I had thought that the willingness to participate in friendly conversation (please note that there is a difference between friendly conversation and polite conversation) with someone would indicate that their name was far lower on my shit list then the faceless masses, but apparently this point must be emphasized.
For the most part if I'm trying to be personable, kind and polite when I speak with you then I likely have nothing personal against you. If I don't have a personal issue with you, then one day I may come to trust you enough to consider you a friend.
Lastly, no matter the nature of our association, if I'm clearly not in a mood for social interaction and you attempt to force it on me I will doubtlessly do or say something just to piss you off. Past interactions will likely be your best tool in deciding if such comments/actions should be taken personally, and it isn't unheard of for me to apologize if I think I've wronged someone in a fit of anger, drunkenness, or (and this is my favorite) drunken anger.

I hope this has helped to answer any questions you may have about why I'm occasionally such an asshole. If you have any further questions, do not hesitate to ask.